Wander & Wonder

If you didn’t know already, I am a huge Gilmore Girls fan. All of my friends have either watched the series or are on probation for becoming my friend until they watch the series. I don’t joke around with Gilmore Girls.

There are infinite topics I could discuss regarding Gilmore Girls, and I probably will eventually in different blog posts. But today I wanted to talk about the mother-daughter relationships portrayed in the series. I am certainly no expert on motherhood, but I thought it would be interesting to compare and contrast the three main mother-daughter bonds in the show: Lorelai and Rory, Emily and Lorelai, and Mrs. Kim and Lane. Just a warning that if you have never watched the show, this post has a lot of spoilers!

Lorelai and Rory: friendship and family intertwined

At the heart of Gilmore Girls is the dynamic between Lorelai and Rory Gilmore. Their relationship is obviously the central focus of the show and is distinguished by its blend of friendship and maternal guidance. Lorelai and Rory both share the art of quick-witted banter coupled with shared interests in classic films, rock and indie music, junk food, and of course, coffee. In fact, ‘Rory’ is actually a nickname for Lorelai. Their similarities probably stem from their closeness in age, given that Lorelai was only 16 when she had Rory.

I remember thinking how cool it was to have a mom as your best friend and saw a lot of similarities between myself and my mom, especially when we go on video calls to do our workouts together. One of the scenes that comes to mind when trying to pinpoint a concrete example of how Lorelai and Rory often act more as friends than as mother-daughter is in Season 3, Episode 7: They Shoot Gilmores. This is the episode where Stars Hollow is having a dance-athon where the couple who dances the longest wins. Spoiler alert: Rory and Dean end up breaking up while dancing (very spur-of-the-moment and dramatic) and Lorelai comes to the rescue and dances with Rory. This is definitely something that my high school best friend would have done for me and really showcases that Lorelai is more than Rory’s mom, she is Rory’s best friend and vice versa.

Emily Gilmore and Lorelai: generational conflict

In stark contrast to Lorelai and Rory’s close bond is the strained relationship between Lorelai and her mom, Emily Gilmore. Emily’s traditional values and high expectations often clash with Lorelai’s more modern, independent approach to life. Their difference in life values and choices certainly creates tension between them throughout the show.

Emily’s relentless pursuit of social status and her rigid expectations for Lorelai highlight the difficulties of reconciling personal choices with familial obligations. Emily often talks about how she provided “the best” for Lorelai, mentioning things like the best clothing, schools, and social events. But she never mentions providing a sense of motherly comfort or guidance for Lorelai, nor does she ever talk about fond sentimental memories from Lorelai’s childhood. Lorelai’s decision to ultimately leave her parent’s affluent lifestyle to raise Rory on her own is the main point of contention between Emily and Lorelai. In fact, whenever they fight it often loops back to Lorelai leaving her home as a teenager and starting fresh in Stars Hollow when Rory was a baby.

We do get glimpses of Emily and Lorelai coming together on a more emotional level, like the scene in Season 1, Episode 9: Rory’s Dance when Emily stays over at Lorelai’s house after Lorelai injured herself making Rory’s dress. The moment that I am specifically thinking of is when Emily makes Lorelai mashed banana toast, claiming that it is delicious although Emily had never tried it before herself. When they both take a bite, they laugh together at how disgusting it is and it is a really cute moment between them. But alas, this quickly ends up in a big fight once they discover that Rory did not return home after the dance (because she spent the night with you know who). Emily is quick to point out that Lorelai is a bad mother, and all the progress that was made between the pair is soon dissipated.

Mrs. Kim and Lane: tradition vs. independence

Another notable, though less central mother-daughter relationship in Gilmore Girls is that of Mrs. Kim and her daughter Lane. Mrs. Kim, a devoutly religious and traditional woman, represents the clash between cultural expectations and personal desires. Her strict adherence to traditional values contrasts sharply with Lane’s desire to create her own funky style and pursue a career as a drummer in a rock band.

Despite their many disagreements, Mrs. Kim and Lane show their love for each other many times throughout the show. My favorite moment between the two is in Season 4, Episode 22: Raincoats and Recipes, when Mrs. Kim proposes that Lane’s band Hep Alien go on tour at Seventh-day Adventist churches along the East Coast. Although this required Hep Alien to sing strictly Christian songs, Mrs. Kim ultimately allowed the band to go on their first ever tour and organized all of the lodging and transport (which had been one of the concerns for the band since they were low on budget). I liked how this plot showed that it is possible to find a compromise between tradition and modernity. I tend to think in an “all-or-nothing” mentality, but it’s nice to remember that often times there are creative ways to incorporate both options.

Take-aways:

Overall, I don’t think any of these relationships are “good” or “bad” as a whole. Rather each one has it’s pros and cons:

• For starters, I love how Lorelai and Rory’s bond is built on open communication and creating a supportive environment. Although at times, I find that the lines between parent and child are blurred which makes it hard for Rory to find her own autonomy.
• As for Lorelai and Emily, the show definitely shows the persistent tension between Lorelai and Emily, as the stark differences in their values leads to constant friction and misunderstandings. I do think that Emily tries to recreate her relationship with Rory in an attempt to prevent alienation like she had with Lorelai. I also think that Lorelai is ultimately happy that Rory was able to have a stronger bond with her grandparents than she was able to have, and in this sense the generational conflict does not persist further.
• Finally, I like the idea of maintaining some form of tradition in a family and passing down your own cultural practices and beliefs to your children. However, I do admit that Mrs. Kim’s approach was much too restrictive and caused a lot of emotional guilt for Lane. I do find that once Mrs. Kim found out about Lane’s interests (which she had managed to keep secret for her entire childhood), she became much more understanding with time. I especially love when Mrs. Kim helped Lane throughout her pregnancy and although their parenting styles were certainly not the same, they managed to reconcile these differences.

I hope you guys found this “analysis” interesting. I have so many more ideas to comment on regarding Gilmore Girls, so stay tuned!